Down in the heat

Ah, I write again! I´m still down here in the heat of Brasil, but it´s not so bad. The last few days have seen highs in the low 80´s and even in the 70´s (I think) which is downright heavenly in comparison with 110F. I think God was giving me a favor so I don´t die when I get back home.

I have learned that cold, snow, and ice are infathomable concepts even for people who have spent half of their lives in it, when the temperature is hovering around 100. However, under 80, the concept is once again obtainable and imaginable.

So, what have I done since I last posted? Answer - bought souviners! Now I´m not going to tell you what because I want them to be at least a little bit of a surprise, but I will say that I bought a lot of flip-flops... and good luck finding them in anything bigger than a man´s 11.

Since I should be home in five days or so and I don´t think I´ll learn anything too terribly earth shattering over the next five days, let me now share with you some of what I´ve learned about Brasil.

First of all, there are pretty much just two colors down here - red and green. The trees are green, the sugar cane is green, the coffee plant is green, the lemons are green, as are the parrots, coconuts, mangos, oranges, and bananas. Everyone keeps telling me that yellow lemons and orange oranges are dyed, and we´ve all been lied to all these years. I´m fairly certain that just as there are different colors of apples, people, and birds, there are probably different colors of lemons and oranges too. And I´m willing to wager they are suppose to be yellow and orange. Oh, and that silly notion some of us have about dirt being black or brown... yeah, it´s red. And it coats everything.

So, driving down the Brasilian highway the only colors you will see are green because anything living is green, and red. The dirt is red and so are the bricks and shingles made from it. Now, if I had to pick a third color for down here, it would be white... but only because the houses are white... ish...

Okay, so now that you understand what colors I´m looking at and that our thoughts on fruit colors are dead wrong, let me tell you what else you´re dead wrong about. Patterns on clothes. I have learned that stripes and plaid go together as long as the same colors are involved in both patterns. I have also learned that anything brightly colored, no matter how freakishly tacky in cut and pattern, is fashionable... even if you do want to burn it for the betterment of man kind.

Oh, and did you know you are suppose to put a sort of salsa, corn, beans, and peas on your hot dog? Yeah... And hot dogs taste like overgrown Vienna sausages. Oh, and corn goes in basically anything you want. Oh yeah, and chicken is shredded and stuffed in anything breaded. Runners up on being stuffed in anything breaded are ham and cheese.

Okay, so enough about what they think we´re wrong about - here is what we actually are wrong about:
- mangos: any of us living outside of a tropical clime that have never tasted a fresh mango before honestly have no clue about mangos. Eating one is an interesting experience, regardless of what form it is in. Those things are kinda like a fibrous melon in texture. I got more mango sinews stuck in my teeth... anyway! the flavor, well we have but tasted a weak parody of the actual flavor. I can´t say I like the original better than the parody, but just trust me when I say, we don´t have a clue.
- papya: if you have managed to eat one, trust me when I say it is just not the same. Although, Dole ones in a glass jar are pretty good, they still don´t taste like the real thing.
- bananas: Everyone who grew up before the 80´s and complains on how bananas don´t taste like they used to, and they miss the old ones, should come down here and eat bananas. I think I finally understand what you are talking about.
- heat: I do not think even the deepest part of the deep south can get as wretchedly hot as the average temperature on a summer´s day down here. When you firmly believe that 82 is "pretty cool out" you know there is something horribly wrong with the world.
- seasons: December through February is summer, March through May is fall, June through August is winter (with those bone chilling highs of 50 degrees), and September through November is spring. Wrapping my head around the concept of Christmas as winter holiday was very difficult... and thinking of Santa´s suit made me even hotter than I was. Ugggghhhh!!!

As for what I´ve done while I´ve been down here - well, I have taught a lot of beginner English, eaten a lot of food, tried gobs of fruit I may never *sniff* be able to taste again, and become a Guarana addict. If you are wondering what Guarana is, I will tell you: awesomeness in a bottle. Yes, for all of its many, many faults and oddities and general dysfunctionalness, Brasil has managed to bottle awesome. I think Guarana comes from a berry look fruit named guarana (shocker). Its almost the Brasilian Vernors. In fact, for you unfortunate souls that will never taste it, let me vainly try to describe the awesome flavor. Start with Vernors in color, and almost in taste. But before you get to that gingery goodness of Vernors, change it to a sweet, fruit flavor. Not fruity or you´ll drift off into Hawaiin Punch land and that is very far from it. Fruit. Think a mellow fruit, like a cherry or blueberry. Nothing that will hit you with its flavor but a soft flavor that will go down smooth as it tickles your tongue. Marvelous stuff. America needs to import it. Badly.

I´d give you more day by day details, but then I would have no stories left for when I got back home. But, that´s a little bit of it.