The Cold, Cold Wind!

I've had a song stuck in my head since I've gotten back on campus. There is a very good reason for it... we don't get wind at my house! I live in the woods. The wind doesn't reach us for the most part.

The song is called, "Across the Universe of Time" (Yeah, I know, it's sounds a little weird.). Really, it's the chorus I've had stuck in my head. And only because of the first line of the chorus which is, "And the cold, cold wind, it blows me away." Which, today, is especially true!

The wind is cold and bitter, and it has almost blown me over multiple times today, and it's not even 10 am!

I never fully understood how much trees block the wind until I got up here! It never ceases to amaze me.

---Later Today---
Today was lumberjack day! Whee!!! I had lots of fun with it! Although I couldn't dress up quite how I would have liked, I still could a little bit.

During student body chapel, they had all this stuff set up in the gym for wood cutting, hauling, rope swinging, and pancake eating. Well, being the silly Frank that I am, I went in for the pancake eating contest. There were four of us... I was the only girl. :o)

If I could have breathed through my nose, I think I might have been able to get 5 pancakes down. As it was, I managed to get 3 eaten in 2 minutes. The winner had eaten like 7 or 8. But I didn't care. I was in it for the fun! I had a blast!

Sadly, I don't think anyone took any pictures! Alas and a lack. Moving on!

My musings for the past week or so have been the different facets of the different attributes of God. Have you ever stopped to consider them? I used Valentines Day as an excuse for focusing a little extra on love and the love of God. There are so many facets to the love of God that it is mind boggling to think about.

Just as our Creator's love is so complex, ours is too. The days leading up to Valentine's Day were spent with me contemplating just how I love all the different people I know and how I was going to express that to them.

I know quite clearly how I love them, but I cannot say it clearly! The initial attempts to do so in the form of limericks were... varied. I wrote a limerick per friend, and for some of them it was easier than others. It's cut and dry friendship. The end. A few others, however, have managed to endear themselves to me in a way few if any others have. How do you tell them that? You can't just come out and say it. That scares people!

So, I took all of my poetic ability *cough* and tried as best as I could to say, "I love you dearly, my friend" without actually saying it. I think I might have come close on a few of them.

I found the entire process to be revealing. I had to really think through exactly how I feel towards people and precisely how I wanted to communicate it. It was through this I learned that love is so multi-faceted. It almost seems as if there are degrees or depths of every sort of love. And it almost seems as if some of the degrees fall between two sorts. If that makes any sense.

Another thing that has preoccupied my thoughts is where I have been and where I am. Not geographically, but in life. So much has happened and changed in the last six months that I can barely believe it. I struggled at first, but I've come to accept that things never go back, only forward. And that's just in day to day activities. The changes spiritually that have been made are drastic. Spiritually, I am not the same person I was six weeks ago, let alone six months ago! This is a first. I never had steady growth spiritually growing up. It was often in spurts.

Anyway, I've reached this interesting place where I must balance two worlds- College and Home. The last few days have been a weird mingling of past memories and people with new memories and people. I've never before had to deal with two sets of memories and people at once. I never moved growing up. People often moved away, ne'er to return but for a short visit, so I never had to deal with "old friends back home." It is quite a new experience. I've never had an Old Life before. I never had to leave anything behind. I was the one left behind. I know how to deal with that, but this... I am out of my reckoning with this!

I know that in time I shall adjust, but until then, I have two lives. Can they be made into one?

Lessons In Winter

Well, I've had an interesting weekend so far. I had the unique opportunity of counseling for the first time during Snow Camp. Through it I learned that if anything good ever comes of people's interactions with me, it is because of God. The end. Nothing else.

Never in my life have I felt so unprepared and in adequate for a task. Before snow camp even started, I was falling on my knees asking God for wisdom throughout the entire weekend. Once camp started, I was falling on my face begging God for wisdom and strength.

At multiple points through out the weekend... okay, for every second of the entire weekend, I was way out of my comfort zone and in previously uncharted territory. By simply signing up to counsel I flew past the end of myself and then actually going into the weekend I soared a few yards off the cliff's edge in a way I never have before. As a result, I was clinging desperately to God in a whole new way.

I had to cling to Him. All that was there for me to cling to was Him. It was scary, I'll admit, and at times I felt I was flying blind. But luckily, I don't have to be able to see.

I've been trying to think of one big lesson I learned through all this, and I can't. I want to say sustaining grace (which I saw both physically and spiritually), but I also want to say how much I have to work on. Then I am tempted to claim that I'm learning about God's timing, which is very true, but I'm not sure it's quite it. I learned/am learning a lot of things because of it all, but I feel like I'm missing the point. As if I'm too busy looking at the details to see the big picture. I've had this feeling all weekend that I'm going to find out what it is later.

That's another thing I've learned as of late; God shows us what we need to know for the time being. Never does He tell something too soon or too late. Nor does He tell us too much or too little when the time comes. I speculate that this is to test my faith in Him.

Oh, that's something else I've been learning, that God doesn't give us tests we can't pass.

So that was one unique opportunity. The second one is quite different. I was able to contrast lives. Before I came back from break, my great Aunt Lois died. At her memorial/funeral, I listened to her children and grandchildren give memories about her. It was one of the more tragic things I've ever heard. I only ever met her once, so I didn't know her hardly at all. But apparently, those who were close to her didn't either.

All the memories that were shared were about her either reading books to them or editing books about local history. To me, that was utterly tragic. To add to the sadness of it all, she wasn't saved. How utterly tragic it was to me, that this woman lived about 80 years and did virtually nothing with it that matters. All there is left of her are a few ashes and a small stack of books with a handful of withering memories about books.

I know she did things that did not involve literature, but at a memorial service for the purpose of celebrating a life, there seemed very little to celebrate. It was sad and tragic to me.

Then, last Thursday night, my great Uncle Donny went home to be with the Lord. Now, he wasn't a super Christian, never pretended to be, but he did things that counted for eternity. I knew him a bit better than I knew Aunt Lois, but I still wasn't very close. Even so, I know a bit of his testimony, I know that he has done things that last. That gives me hope! That brings me some joy and peace to know that his life was not spent in vain.

Both lives inspire me though. Aunt Lois inspires me to save the lost. She was witnessed to, but she would not listen. How many people would listen if they would only be witnessed to? Uncle Donny inspires me to do more for Christ. Again, not that he was an awesomely super and flawless Christian, but I can see what things he did that matter, and what things he did that don't matter. He was saved after he became an adult, and so I have the privilege of being able to see the emptiness of the world contrasted with the fullness of Christ in a life.

More and more I see how short time on this earth is and how vast eternity is. It motivates me to live for Christ. I'm with The Preacher when he proclaims that all is vanity.

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.
-Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

Cringe and Groan

They're doing this thing called Open Studio up here. Through peer pressure I entered, over Christmas I contemplated withdrawing, upon returning I was thrust back into it full force, and now after a ton of hitches along the way, I have officially auditioned. With schemes to possibly enter another song.

I think I'm crazy.

Especially after today.

To record the song, they take you into the recording studio. After getting you all set up with awesome microphones, headphones, padded music stands and all that jazz, you sing/play and record and that's that. Afterwards, they let you listen to it.

I've never heard myself singing by myself before. Now that I have, I wish I hadn't. Come to find out, I cannot stand the sound of my own voice singing. People tell me they like it. They say I have talent. I listened... heard a few "technical" slips and thought, "Well, for being sick that isn't half bad. But I just do not like my voice!" I decided if I was just a random person and I ran across a CD of me, I wouldn't buy it.

Yet, I contemplate doing another song. *shrugs* I'm weird. I know.

I think part of the motivation behind it is realizing this is an opportunity to get some of my work out. I think the other part is just the fun of recording. The whole process of recording has always interested me, and now that I have a chance to do it, I want to take full advantage of the chance.

Speaking of... I might be counseling at Snow Camp this weekend. Okay, it's just a chance. But I signed up and we'll see what happens. I do want to try my hand at it, and this would be the perfect opportunity to taste it before I commit a summer to it.

Anyway! School work calls and I must answer! Blech.

-Frank