Monday, December 31, 2007

and a Happy New Year!

Well, for my last post of the year, I shall take stock as to what all this year held.

-I managed to make good on the resolution to blog more.
-I turned 19
-Managed to write in my journal once a month
-Read more C. S. Lewis
-Started writing a story that I think may actually get somewhere! YAY!
-Worked at Wendy's pretty much all summer
-Dealt with bitterness
-Sold out to God
-Learned substantially about the love of God
-Learned to trust Him more wholly
-Fell into shock for the first time
-Worked costume room
-Was an extra in a play
-Pluto was discriminated against and told it couldn't be a planet anymore
-Went to church in a really sweet car for pretty much a whole semester
-Made a couple new friends
-Reconnected with some old ones
-Learned that I really can't stand tea
-Learned coffee is amazing
-Got 2 new Bibles
-Started learning Sign Language
-Started keeping a spiritual journal
-Sewed a new formal
-Went to 2 weddings for 2 of my roomies from Freshman year
-Started a notebook to keep all my poetry in one place
-Watched every single Strong Bad email on homestarrunner.com
-Joined Facebook (I caved)
-Took a couple of voice lessons
But the one that tickled me most was something left over from last year's dorm prayer group -
-Got to S.C.A.R.E. I got to See Christ Arrange Remarkable Events. And best of all, it was in ways I could have never fathomed and when I least expected it.

So, this year was good. I grew, God worked, and I did things I had never done before. Yes, twas a good year.

Happy New Years everyone! I hope 2007 was a good year for you as well, but whether or not it was, I hope 2008 is even better! God bless! Write you again next year!

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas!

This is a VERY early morning post! It's nearly 3 AM, and I can't go to sleep just yet, so I'm blogging to tell you all MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

I feel that in addition to all the stuff I've already gotten and will get after the sun is up, and even in addition to the birth of Jesus, I have been given much by God. When break started, as I said a post or so ago, things were rough, and still are. However, I can once again see the hand of God in all things. For a little bit there I couldn't, and it was all I could do to cling to God. Then He showed Himself to me in ways I cannot express. To sum it up, I shall borrow a phrase I heard in chapel- God is sovereign and it is perfect.

You would be hard pressed to find something more beautiful in this world than seeing the plans of God unfold.

Reading the Christmas stories as they are scattered throughout the first chapters of the Gospels and seeing how it fulfilled God's promises in such a perfect way in such a perfect time is glorious. But then to turn around and see how God has lead in directed in my own life and how things happen in His exact perfect way and in exactly the perfect moment is amazing. For me, it is as if the ancient days in which God worked so plainly have been revived. The veil that blinds is torn away for a moment in time and I am allowed to see how God is working above, in, through, and under all the distracting madness of this world. And then I see that the ancients saw God's working no clearer or more hid than I.

He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. Praise Him for His faithfulness, His sovereignty, and His steadfast love! Praise His name!

Merry Christmas my friends! May the day be a celebration of His birth and a day of thanksgiving.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Miscellaneous

Well, to catch the world up on the trivial and inane (but fun and fascinating!) ...

Peter Jackson has agreed to work with New Line to make the Hobbit. They are going to break it up into two movies which will be shot simultaneously. They are due to appear in a theatre near you around 2010 and 2011. YIPPIE!!! I'm excited!!! :oD

I have also decided to temporarily remove the words "Never Here..." from the top of my blog. I figure the whole 1 of you that actually goes to my blog and reads the header (verses my two facebook readers who have probably never seen it) probably already know whose blog your reading, where it is, and what it is called, and therefore I can sacrifice it in the name of a holiday header. Go me!

I also decided I was having a hard time reading my own blog and therefore picked a different font and made it larger so I can read it more easily. Again, my this is for the benefit of myself and the whole 1 reader that actually comes here (my Facebook reader(s) aside).

My mom has also purchased a new popcorn popper for us all for Christmas. I am sure my brother and myself shall see the most use of it, but I had great fun trying to figure out how to wrap it. In the end, it was all covered in paper. Apparently gift wrapping strange shaped objects is a talent I do not possess. My poor future children. They shall have badly wrapped gifts. Maybe I'll follow in the footsteps of one of my grandma's and put things in odd boxes... like saltine cracker boxes or Kleenex boxes.

Moving on!

I am reading "Flabbergasted" by Ray Blackston again and laughing just as hard! It really is a wonderful mini-vacation. Particularly for the broke college student.

I have also picked up pen and notebook once again to write. If I am patient and muscle through this dull part, I'll get to the fun stuff. I just haven't had the time or discipline to do so as of late. Been a little busy. Now, however, I have the free time so I'm going for it.

Another side note - National Treasure 2 comes out today and I have every intention of going to see it. If nothing else, I'm hoping to laugh at Riley. He's hysterical.

Oh, here is a quirky little side note on God's provision. For whatever reason, some lady called and asked my mom if she would be willing to be apart of a focus group. She was quite insistent that Mom would be a good fit and finangled around one slight hitch to get Mom in. For two or so hours of her time, my Mom got some nice pocket change, and that's after the first day they wanted to have her come in didn't work out and she would have gotten less that day anyway. To add icing to the cupcake, my two younger siblings can do similar sort of things and get paid. I think I might be able to as well. Haven't looked into it yet.

I shall never cease to marvel at God's provision and timing. He always provides- and usually in the last way you would have ever dreamed.

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Ever on


Well, I may remember this year as one of the most trying ones of my young life. I got home and the mini-van decided to have a seizure or something. It started sounding like an RC car and it wouldn't shift into gear, it would barely move... and it was bad. Thankfully, we figured out that it wasn't just the slick roads making the tires spin before we left the subdivision. My dad is currently trying to figure out what's wrong with it and we're hoping it won't cost us an arm and a leg to fix it. As it stands, we're broke. Or about there. Dad's been unemployed since April and unemployment is run out.

However dismal this may look, it could definitely be worse. In light of how my semester has gone, this is par for the course and I am once again challenged to make sure my dependence, focus, and trust is on God. For as uncertain and shaky as everything seems right now, it really isn't as worrisome as you might think. "I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread." Psalm 37:25.

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Safe and Sound

Well, I made it home safe and sound with out hiccup. I think we made pretty good time coming back, and so for the second time I came home in time for dinner. YAY! Nothing beats coming home, talking, and then eating dinner. I even watched Spiderman 3. YAY!!!

Howsomever, I know that there are students traveling that haven't made it home yet and are still driving, some of them through a lovely little snow storm too. My prayers and thoughts are with them. It would be a big bummer if someone ended up stranded or worse.

Anyway...

This is the first thing I've had close to alone time since I've gotten home, so I am now taking it to reflect a little bit on the semester. This reflection shall probably end up quite shallow because it is late and I am tired.

A while back in chapel, the speaker asked if we were the same person now as we were a week ago and if God had grown us at all in that time. Over the span of this semester, I know I have changed. I am not the same girl I was walking into this semester as I am walking out of it. There is a distinct difference between who I was and who I am. I have grown more than I thought possible to grow in one semester and... I'm tired! I am SO glad God put me through everything that He did. I wouldn't trade a second of it. However, I am tired and I am really hoping that God would grant me a day to get away and just be with Him to read, pray, and think. As one friend put it, even Jesus would have to take a break and go get alone with His Father. Yes, I am really hoping I can get such a day and that it would be soon!

Maybe one of these days I will tell the full tale of how God worked, but it is a long tale and it is late. Prayers and pillows are calling...

Sunday, December 09, 2007

For Stephen's Sake

I wasn't particularly planning to post today, but since Stephen has so wished I do so, I am now here rambling about nothing. And I am sorry this ramble came no sooner than it did, for I'm sure he wanted it for his own amusement during his ridiculously long shift.

Well, now that I'm here and writing, I think I best think of a topic... and I got nuttin'. Well, I did have a couple of interesting events with in the last 24 hours, however they do not make good stories. More like pointless rambles.

No comments, please!

Hmmm.... *hunts through my poetry* Not sure if I want to put any of that up. Oooh! Here's one! I wrote this one over the summer.

Oh My Soul, Oh My Soul

Why are you cast down oh my soul, oh my soul?
What burden do you bear oh my soul, oh my soul?
Why is your heart so low?
Why is your face worn with care?
What heavy burdens do you bear, oh my soul?

Have you forgot that He cares oh my soul, oh my soul?
Have you forgot that He hears oh my soul, oh my soul?
He hears your weakest prayer
For you He’s ever there
Have you forgotten that He hears, oh my soul?

July 31, 2007

Alright, I must go study now for finals. Pray I pass all my classes! PLEASE!

Saturday, December 01, 2007

It's Christmas Time!

It is that time of year again! Time to break out the sweaters, the hats, scarfs, gloves, boots, thick socks, leg warmers, leggings, turtle necks... all things that say warm and toasty. Today we had our first snow storm of the year and it is a good one! Last I looked outside we had many inches of snow and it was very windy and VERY cold!

And as the weather has officially changed for the Christmas-y, so is my blog. Starting today I shall start decking the digital halls and having myself a merry little Christmas, indeed!

So, if this thing looks a little... weird... just know it's undergoing Christmas reconstruction.

Until next time,
MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Awkward?

So, I'm sitting in the on-campus coffee shop with nothing to do, no drink, and no one. Obviously I'm waiting for someone.

Waiting for people is always a curious thing. You can usually tell when someone is waiting, even when they are doing something and seem preoccupied. The person sitting around wholly devoted to study looks pretty well settled, focused, and at ease in one way or another. But they who wait for anyone tend to simply look like they're killing time. Even those preoccupied with books, magazines, or even homework.

Usually, it seems like there is an air of awkward surrounding a waiting person. It is the rare character, I have found, that can wait in perfect ease. They are the ones that either always have a perfectly fine plan B or they know that no matter what, whoever they are waiting for will show up and there are no questions to ask. They know whoever it was didn't forget, has a great reason for running late, is typically late, or the waiting person arrived early and knows it.

So, I'm sitting here, in the coffee shop, waiting for a friend of mine (with nothing to do or drink) so we can buy each other a drink as a way to say thank you for helping each other with our bulletin board projects. It's rather amusing, why we're even meeting; but it just takes on a whole new element when they run fashionably late for the purpose of buying someone else a coffee.

And she has come! YAY!

Monday, November 19, 2007

A bit of rhyme

While feeling so inclined to post, yet lacking subject matter to post about, I began hunting through my doc files and ran across a poem I wrote in September. I opened it, re-read it, added a stanza, and now think it's something close to presentable. Not being particularly fond of this poem, and not seeing much harm in letting the world see it, I post it here for the whole 6 of you that actually meander to my blog on occasion.

There Were Four

Four there sat and then sat one
'Round a table under sun.
One by one they walked away
And in between the trees did stray.
Now I sit here and do not stir
Unless we lose the things that were
And they are swept away by time
And others come with their own rhyme.
As long as one sits, mem’ry’s there
And one can then the mem'ry share

But if all stand and move away
Then all is lost to yesterday
And things we did and things that done
Shall be lost always under sun.

Four there sat and then sat one
'Round a table under sun
One by one they went away
And have left me behind to stay
But now I too shall up and leave
And in the trees I’ll stray.

written - September 14, 2007 - edited - Nov. 19, 2007

Friday, November 09, 2007

BAd DAy


I have no idea how all y'all's day is going, but I figured I could tell you about mine and maybe give you a small chuckle.

As most of y'all know, this week is the play week. Well, last night was the night that yearbook came and took pictures. All week I had been getting done with the play around 9:30, which isn't bad at all. Last night I didn't get back to to my room until 10:47 and didn't get done scrubbing off the top 2 layers of make up til around a quarter after 11. Before I got into bed I saw that my friend Erin had left her laptop in my room so I could listen to some stuff for my Spanish homework. I crawled up on my bed and read the sticky note attached and realized I didn't have to do the listening til Saturday. However, I had this fill in the blank thing that needed to be done by today. Now, I knew she had sent it to me,and I knew it wouldn't take me long to do it, so I decided that I would be able to do it in about half an hour in the morning on my laptop, then send it to myself and print it out in the labs around 7:45 and walk into that, my first hour class early.

...the best laid plans of mice and men...

So I woke up on time and went to open it from my email inbox and... she has Word 2007 and I have 2003. In case you don't know, you can open 03 in 07, but you cannot open 07 in 03. Stupid Microsoft!

Seeing I had too little time to deal with it, I cracked open my book and started typing. 7:30. Then I started filling in the blanks (it was fill in the blank in the book) and I got half done... around 7:43. Then, I started to get ready to leave because it was either be late and get my homework done, or be on time and get a zero.

... you can't have your cake... or eat it...

... you don't even get a cupcake. so don't even think about it...

In the process of getting ready, I found myself forced into wearing a skirt that needs washed (it's not bad, it just has a spot on it), a random sweater (which I like and is mercifully comfortable!), white knee socks (only pair I could find easily... luckily they match my white skirt), and slip on black shoes. Gotta love slip on black shoes. But I had trouble finding ... a particularly necessary article of clothing which threatened to hold me in my room until it was found. I found it in the end and was able to fly out the door and arrive 3 minutes late to class with homework half done. It was then I decided I was officially having a bad day.

Can I go back to bed?

I need a turtle frap. Or chocolate. I want both.

... but grace is given me...

So I arrive to class three minutes late, no homework, and my make up is still slightly on from last night. I have on my eyes eye liner of uneven thickness, traces of green eyeshadow, I think there is still black in my eyebrows, and as for my arms and legs... I look quite tanned. Not sure if any lipstick is left... but yes, so I look like a wreck, but luckily I'm not alone in this (some people today look purdy rough!). To top it all off, I put on one sock inside out.

Gotta love the finishing touch.

Anyway! I explained this all to my teacher and as I conclude my narration and she says, "Do you need a hug?"

By then, I had already started to laugh about how ridiculously tragically comic this whole thing was, so I didn't get a hug, but I did get grace to get it done by Monday without penalty.

So, to those of you out there that may be experiencing a not so fun day, just remember, you are not alone.

...Eat chocolate, drink pop, and be MURry happy...

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Apple Scrapple and Tuna, Egg Salad Sandwhiches


Why do people always pick on apples being the fruit from the tree of knowledge and good and evil? They're quite a delicious fruit to be sure, and see nothing sinful about them. Maybe it's because guy's have an Adam's apple. I always thought that was a silly name for them though, because no guy has an Adam's apple as big as an apple. At best, a large cherry. But I digress...

Anyway, as I was trudging up the steps this morning to the third floor of the ladies dorm, where I lay my head at night, I thought how funny it was that I had just made an early morning excursion to the FAC to fetch 2 instruments that I have no idea how to play for a friend who lives off campus and forgot them there. I wasn't bothered by her request for me to bring them to church, but as I was lifting up the edge of my cloak as not to let it drag the ground, and caught a glimpse of my amazing slipper socks (from L. L. Bean) I started musing about how completely random my life is. The last thing I would have thought I'd be doing a frosty Sunday morning is trudging over to the FAC in slipper socks and a cloak to fetch a flue and an oboe... piccalo... or whatever it was.

So then a whole 6 seconds ago I was reminded of how I tend to attract people from all the far flung corners of the personality universe. One of my friends is writing a confessional autobiography about her non-existent dating life, and she asked me to get a few people to read it. So I sent it 3 friends who said they wouldn't mind giving it a look over, and I realized that amongst just those 3 I had a pretty broad range of opinions. This lead to a quick 10 second recollection of my list of friends, which is about as diverse as the human populous itself. The only sort of person I don't have as a friend is... the normal sort. Though I'm pretty sure there's one or two in there somewhere.

Alright, so this is really random, but I had to dig up a friend for one of my roomies out of an obscure picture file, and then I found a half forgotten file of pictures in which was one of the most hilarious pictures I've ever seen of my cousin George and my friend BC. I got quite a chuckle and it reminded me of a lot of fun times and goofy experiences I've had with my nutty friends.

If you didn't know this, you are about to be told that I usually take several hours or a day or two to make a blog post. Not because I have such incredibly profound things to say, duh, or that I have such trouble composing it. It is for the sheer fact I don't always have the ability to sit down and write all at once. This usually works out for the better.

Take tonight, for instance. I go to church via church van on Sunday nights due to choir, but Sunday mornings there and back and coming back on Sunday nights I ride with a friend fondly called Pirate. Usually it's me, Pirate, and one or two others. Well, tonight, one or two others managed to all find other rides. That was the situation at the beginning of church tonight. Afterwards we learned that one girl, let us call her Mary, found out that her ride wouldn't work out. This was after we found another girl, call her Jen, who was willing to ride back with us so it wasn't just Pirate and I (which is against the rules). So we had to tell Jen that Mary was back and she (Jen) could return with her brother. Due to timing of all this, I ended up in Pirate's car by myself eating sandwiches while he went hunting for Mary. After ten or more minutes he gave up the hunt and we both returned into the gym where the church was having a fellowship so we could tell Jen we needed her again. In all of this, Pirate decided he was hungry so he sat down and ate and I found yet another girl who needed a ride, call her Meg, and I went back to have a few more sandwiches. Before it was over, I had had at least 5 or 6 little tuna or egg salad sandwiches, several carrot and celery sticks, and some potatoe chips and a cookie.

At the end, Pirate was mildly frustrated, I was laughing my head off (cuz isn't that just like life?) and telling him he should turn this into a skit. To this he declared that he didn't want his life to be turned into a skit. He said it was an epic drama, but has turned into a tragic comedy. I told him it was straight comedy and he should still turn it into a skit.

If he doesn't, I might. I just might. It was too perfect.

Friday, October 19, 2007

Psalm 27

I don't really have a "life verse" per say, but if I was going to pick one, this one would be in the top 3 for consideration. Actually, you could probably say this is my life passage, but there are too many good ones for me to pick, and my particular fondness lies in the last 2 verses. But anyway!

I have been meditating on Psalm 27 quite a bit over the last few weeks, and it seems increasingly over the last few days. In this psalm, David is declaring God as his light and salvation, right off the bat, and then instantly asks "of whom shall I be afraid?"

The entire passage he shows how God will save him from enemies, storms... and then he says something that has caused me to muse a bit.

"One thing have I desired of the Lord, that will I seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple." I think often times we seek after God, but we don't even think to ask that we may dwell in His house all the days of our lives. As in present tense. I think we usually look at this in a future tense way. If not anyone else, I know I have.

Verses 7-9 I have lived out and wrote about before, so I won't rehash that, but I'll now park on verse 13 for a minute.

"I believe that I shall look upon the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living!" A lot of times we sit around wondering why us and asking questions, almost not wanting answers for fear our delicious misery would be ended. But here, David, a man who knew what it was to be a man with a price on his head, is praising God even though people have/are (this non-scholar doesn't know when this psalm was written) just waiting to kill him. He was persuaded that he would see the goodness of God while yet alive, not just in heaven. I think at moments we think we won't see God's goodness until after we're dead (but I think that's more of our despairing moments). Me thinks we fail to see it even when things are going good. We lose sight and focus. Obviously... humans... the whole species is ADD. I'm convinced.

So, I end the way David did.

"Wait for the Lord: be strong, and let your heart take courage: wait for the Lord!"

Monday, October 08, 2007

Epiphany

I had an epiphany today during devotions. Tis a wonderful time to have them. Anyway, I've been saved for 14 years and I've recently started trying to figure out what things about the Christian life I know and what things I actually understand. There is quite the difference you know.

So today my epiphany was on the Fruits of the Spirit. Particularly joy and peace. I started to wonder whether I actually understood "joy" at all.

Then it dawned on me what joy was. I'm sure I don't have it down pat just yet, but at the moment, if you were to ask me to define joy, I'd have to say at least part of it is an untouchable feeling of 'happiness' and 'peace' combined, that no measure of sorrow can ever penetrate.

Almost at the same time I realized I understood, and have understood what perfect peace is- the unshakable feeling that even though the world around you has crumbled, you're still standing safe and sound in the cleft of the rock.

It almost seems silly to me that it has taken me this long to figure this out, but I suppose this is the result of having doctrine and theology shoved into my head since I could understand speech, with out ever remembering what it was like to not know joy or peace.

With this I also realized that these are not things that I have to really strive for. They are, after all, Fruits of the Spirit. And like any fruit, it grows naturally from the tree. Of course the gardener must tend the tree and what not, but the gardener doesn't force the fruit to grow, the gardener simply makes it easier for it to grow and does what he can to ensure it does. That is my job. By being a Christian, the fruits of the spirit are a natural product of it.

... I think I said that right... :o)

I hope that made sense, because this is how I finally got a grasp on the whole concept of the Fruits of the Spirit. If I'm dead wrong, somebody let me know so I can either explain better or change my thinking...

Our God is so patient with me! Once again, I am humbled.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Scraps of Thoughts

I've finally gotten a job on campus in the Costume Room! Fun times that is! I get to work with beautiful costumes, fun fabrics, and crazy people. It's great!

So in other news- I'm starting to hold great disdain for my printer. It always manages to run out of ink at the most inconvenient of times. Here I am, trying to print out a picture of C. S. Lewis and it decides that it shall run low on black. I have received no official notice from my printer that it is so, but I would guess from the very light color of the black in the picture that it is indeed running low.

Either that or being obstinate, which is a perfectly reasonable theory with my printer.

Anyway! I have decided that one of my lots in life is to be perpetually number 2. I found out twice in one day that I was 2 different guy's 2nd pick to take to Artist Series. Considering everything, I do not know whether to be indifferent, flattered, or offended. It's a rather strange thing to learn. On one hand flattering that I was considered, on the other hand almost insulting, but not enough to be actually insulted or genuinely offended. I think I'm more flabbergasted than anything else.

Flabbergasted... what a fun word! What a fun book! (By Ray Blackston. I recommend it for a fun mini vacation)

But! I am not saying that simply because of that particular incident. It seems that in most things I tend to run as people's second thought. Which again, isn't bad, but it's a peculiar place to be. I dare say it differs from the whole "Woman is under man" thing. It's easier to be under someone than to realize that should whoever is in front of you be unable to perform his duties that you are next.
"Aww! That was a good try, but no!"

Guess it's like being Vice President, eh?

Wouldn't that be scary: Vice President Frank. MWAHAHAHA! Though, I suppose what would be scarier is whoever was president. That would mean that someone actually picked me to run with them for office. I don't know about you, but that seriously causes me to question the mental state of whoever is running the country at that time. Not to sound like I'm being harsh on myself, but quite honestly, I'm not what you call vice presidential material... I'm entirely too opinionated and stubborn. Maybe that's why whoever will chose me.

The world may never know.

Scrap that. The world will never know.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Nothing and Everything


Let's start out with a bit of review of this summer and then move on to what God is teaching so far this semester.

This past summer has been one of the hardest summers, if not the hardest summer, I have ever had. Every day was a battle to keep my footing. If you've ever gone wave jumping in the ocean, then you know how easy it is to drift away from the bit of ocean floor you started on. Every day there were waves crashing against me and I had to try to keep my footing. Ground was lost. Ground was gained. I was left reeling with another series of blows to come.

Church should be a sanctuary. A place you can turn to for encouragement when the world is attacking. I could not do that all summer. I had no haven of rest except for the arms of God, and I was having trouble seeing that through the salt spray. My one physical place of escape from the world was painfully jerked from me. In addition to all this were things like Wendy's, Dad being unemployed, and me trying to figure out how in the world I would ever make enough money to get back up here, let alone pay my bill.

In a lot of ways I was walking by faith (cuz I knew that would be all that would get me here!) but in a lot of ways I was doubting if God would actually bother to work in a great and mighty way in my life. He did by orchestrating events in the lives of people around me and events in my personal life and thus it was He got me back up here for this semester.

So, here I am into the second week of classes and I already felt weary from the steady attacks all summer, but God saw fit to keep me in the midst of trials instead of letting me have a break as I so desperately wanted.

For almost two solid weeks now I have been almost tormented by trying to figure out how I am going to pay school bills, what will happen if Dad can't find a job before unemployment runs out, and a slough of other things. With this, God was increasingly making me aware of different areas of sin in my life that I would not admit to, let alone confess and attempt to overcome. Then, last night the climax of it all came.

God showed me His might, His love, His mercy, His patience, and His holiness all it once. At Campus Church a message on sin was given and God showed me so many things that were flat out wrong with me and shouldn't be in my life to the extent that I marveled at how He could love me. To teach me some lessons, He let the weight of my problems, my concerns, my sins, and everything else begin to weigh down on me. There isn't even a chance it was the full weight of things, in fact I am sure it wasn't, but it was enough to make me see that His cross is lighter and His burden easier to bear than the burdens of this life. He showed me how much He does for me and how He carries my cares. It was such a humbling and amazing experience! I shall never forget it.

I walked away renewed, refreshed, and at feeling at least 10 pounds lighter. I also walked away with a greater love, appreciation, and respect for the marvelous God who has seen fit to love such despicable creatures as us and to send His Son to die for us.

I am nothing. He is everything.

What a wonderful God we serve!

Saturday, August 25, 2007

We Do Not Know


Two posts in a day- I know, shocking. But this is just proof that we do not know what a day will hold.

It was 30 minutes after my last post that Mom called me from my bedroom to the back porch where we keep our little freezer. The door was half open and all the food inside spoiled. Among the contents of the freezer were 2 large roasts and pork chops. The pork chops and one of the roasts were spoiled, but the larger of the two roasts was salvageable after Mom took off the top inch or so. Mom had to rush off to go paint at a friend's house, and I was left to clean up the freezer... with bad lighting... and in my own shadow... with out much I could do about it. Which stunk both literally and figuratively.

I can now safely rule out nursing, forensic anything, crime scene clean up, and butchering from the future occupation list. I will details of clean up at that.

I walk away giving a short laugh though. There always seems to be something popping up that you plain couldn't see coming. Though, I am inclined to believe that perhaps a little more so at our house than most peoples.

Spontaneity is the spice of life.

A Measure of Perspective and Madness

To an extent or degree things like boldness, daring, and insanity are a matter of perspective. When I informed my cousin and our mutual friend that I was making a formal for artist series without a pattern, they looked at me like I was a half crazy and brave soul for attempting it. I don't quite see the brave aspect of it because it's a basic sleeveless shirt on top and an A-line skirt on the bottom. However, because there was no pattern, I didn't get the size quite right nor was it... symmetrical.

Through trial and error I have managed to get it fitting properly, but to get to that point was a matter of insanity. If you've never done it, you can only imagine how hard it is to put on a dress in-side-out, see what's wrong, pin, and then take it off and fix it. It becomes particularly hard when part of the dress is too small and needs taking out.

I ended up enlisting my Mom's help because quite frankly, there is no way a person can sew and then potentially alter a dress all by themselves without a sewing manikin. I do not have a sewing manikin, and I am deeply contemplating asking for one for Christmas! The only things inhibiting me from requesting one is the fact they're expensive and I have no where to put it. But this is beside the point.

Another bit more madness related to the dress is the fact that the dress was mostly sewn before I had a clue what sleeves I wanted, which is a relatively important part of the dress, considering I go to a baptist Bible college. Last night, after reviewing multiple dresses and sleeves from a couple costume sights, I decided to give it a blended medieval/Greek flavor (allowing it to be more flowing and unfitted, but keeping a slight twist of medieval). The dress also has an optional wrap (sort of thing) that will be able to be worn or not depending on my mood.

It is decidedly simpler than the last dress I made which was a fitted, blue jacquard, Arwen looking dress with large white veil sleeves and a glittering white trim with belt and it laces up the back. This dress I am now making is a dark red crushed velvet with shimmery cream/white sleeves and (when I finally get to JoAnn's to get it) the trim will be the same color as the sleeves and simple, but elegant. Where as the blue dress had trim around the neck, sleeves, and then the belt, the red one will only have trim around the neck and a belt.

Well, my hope is to get this dress done completely before I leave Wednesday, and to do so means I must now run off and work on it!

Friday, August 10, 2007

Part way Through August


Partway through August, I've only got 1 week left of work and Wendy's, and I'm putting up another little update... cuz so much has happened... well... sorta...

I have started plinking around on the piano again, and have since discovered I can play and sing 1 song. YAY! "Lord, Here Am I" is the song I can play and sing. I also have learned that I can easily hit an E, which is quite the accomplishment for me, considering I'm a natural alto.

In addition, I have picked up 6 of my piano books and decided that I need to play through them and memorize at least one song out of each. Aren't I the ambitious one? *cough*

Also on the agenda, but with a deadline, is making 3 long A-line skirts. A houndstooth, a flannel, and a suade darkish khaki color. I'm excited! I also have a formal I want to make, but we'll see how that goes!

I've also done some music finding and graphic art. Amongst the other more serious songs I found, I found two about food. "Solid Potato Salad" by Nat King Cole and "Homegrown Tomatoes" by John Denver. I made a wallpaper about the Homegrown tomatoes one, which I have put up. I want to make one for "Solid Potato Salad" but I haven't gotten around to it yet.

Why don't they make silly songs like that anymore? It's just fun music with silly lyrics that's not trying to push an agenda, idea, or anything else. It's just fun. The world lacks silly fun stuff like that anymore, and I think it's a shame.


Anyway, Working at Wendy's has become slightly interesting. I had to learn how to do stocking and did it for only 3 days, thank goodness! If you've never worked set up for a fast food restaurant, you may not quite understand what all it involves, particularly when you work for a chain that is solidly dedicated to freshness.

The stocking I had to do involved making sure everything in the island in the dining room was full with more to spare under it. Salt packets, pepper packets, forks, spoons, knives, straws, napkins. Then, I had to make sure that there were enough cups, lids, hot sauces, crackers, granola, forks, spoons, knives, cutlery packets, nugget sauces, salt packets, pepper packets, napkins, kids toys, etc. for front counter and T3 (the register where orders are taken and you get your food). Also had to make sure there were enough french fry and nugget cartons too.

The how much, though slightly intimidating, is not quite as bad as the sheer quantity and variety of everything. We have 5 different sizes of cups with 4 or so sizes of lids, 2 sizes of chili cups and lids, between fries and nuggets there were about 5 different sizes of cartons, we have at least 5 different nugget sauces, hot sauce for the chili. For each of the sizes of cup/lid we had to have somewhere between 1 and 3 sleeves of, not to mention whatever was in the rack. And may I say, this was complicated by the fact of multiple half opened sleeves of the same thing that seemed to be a frequent problem...

In addition to stocking there was buns, Frescata bread, chicken drops, and bacon. buns involved untying them, tucking the end under the buns (after setting 2 bags on a tray), and then putting them in the microwave for 30 seconds. I had to do probably over 25 trays of buns. Kid you not. And we used them all! That is how busy we are! I never had to do Frescata, but the gist of it is, you had to put it on a tray, put it in the oven, and then take it out at just the right time. I think I was suppose to do potatoes too... but I never got around to that or Frescata or chicken drops. Bacon I did do, however. That involved taking out these large slabs of bacon, stacked about 5 deep in a pack, peeling the half frozenish layers off of each other, cutting it in half, putting it in the microwave, shaking it (don't ask me why, I still don't know!), and putting it in the sandwhich lines.

All this was to do be done in an hour and a half. How the last girl did it, I may never know. I'm just glad I don't have to anymore! But! I learned, and I am glad for the knowledge.

I have also learned how to cut lemons (which is about the biggest no brainer thing ever. And I am FAST at it too!), how to cut tomatoes evenly at a consistent thick (or thin)ness. I can also do cheese and lunch meat in about 20 minutes. Again, the quantity is what gets ya! I also know how to make Almost all the Wendy's salads. Their secrets are no longer safe! MWAHAHAHA! I also know how to hand food out the window... which is the second biggest no brainer. The hardest part about it is trying to figure out what order you're looking at on the screen. :oD I also think I have figured out how to take orders... I know, it sounds insane that one could work in a fastfood joint and not know how to take orders, but so it is.

So now I'm sitting here with just a week more of work before I'm done for the summer, and I am grateful for having done it. Besides the practical work lessons, I've relearned a few others as well... like "99% of life is just showing up for it." and that people that don't drink are rare and people that don't smoke are a novelty. I also learned that sometimes it's the big biker dudes that are the most gentlemanly. I have one regular (well, I have probably over 100 regulars, but one in particular) that looks like a biker and if you just looked at him, you wouldn't want to mess with him, but he is consistently the nicest and friendliest guy I have in the morning.

I've spent a good deal of the summer learning and sorting through things. It never will cease to amaze me that the things I think I have all figured out are the ones I don't really get at all. The opposite sometimes holds true as well. And again, God has been trying and testing me. First, He showed me that He really does mean it when He says "ye have not because ye ask not" and then He gave me something to try it out on.

My school bill came, I had less than half of it and then by a series of downright God arranged events, the money was there. I had never seen such a thing first hand in my own life before (wasn't much of a chance before), but now I do and I did and I walked away singing His praises.

Something interesting I have observed is that once you learn a lesson, God won't let you forget it by making you practice it. He taught me to take everything one day at a time and now... I'm having to exercise it lest I go mad.

Oh, I beg you all to continue praying, and little more so because Dad does not yet have a job, but there is an interview being set up! PLEASE PRAY! thank you!

Well, this has been my summer thus far. I have a few more weeks left in which I don't forsee anything interesting happening, but then again, I've been wrong before.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

My Summer... Thus Far

Well, I know I have been silent for a good long while, so let me get you up to speed... well, at least partially.

Back track to the end of the school year. Watching all your friends leave for the summer and knowing you are stuck a whole week more not knowing if anyone you even know is staying is hard. I learned that. Watching God introduce you to new people and making summerlude one of the most enjoyable weeks you've had in a long while is amazing. So is finding out that a number of your friends are staying.

What is also amazing is getting ready for a wedding in the front seat of a mini-van in the sweltering heat with your mom sitting behind you curling your hair. I thought that was a feat for the record books. :o)

The end of May came, and I found myself starting back at Wendy's come June. I thought I was going to hate every minute of it, but... I haven't! I've actually learned a bit. For example- I can now make almost any salad on the Wendy's menu! I also finally figured out how to evenly slice tomatoes, I can also slice lemons... but that's not hard...

But I learned some other things that are slightly more important. At first I just had a terrible attitude about it. I was ungrateful that I even had a job. But then, God got a hold of me and showed me that I was being ungrateful and proud and a whole mess of other things. Here's where all those years of AWANA paid off- God brought to my mind a verse one day while I was working. It was that one that goes something like 'in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content'.

I learned to be content in a lot of ways: content with my job, content with my circumstances, content with my station in life, and much more.

And it seemed that 5 minutes after I learned to be content to live without what I want and to trust Him with what I need, He turned around and gave me what I wanted. I'm still waiting for what I need, but I have reached a point where I can just walk by faith.

So, in waiting for what I need, I simply ask that you all pray for my Dad in his hunt for a job and that I'll have enough money for tuition.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Familiar Story


I grew up knowing the story (or parable or whatever it technically is) of the Prodigal Son. To the point where I can't even remember hearing for the first time. Well, after a life time of church and Sunday School, this story got a little old for me. I had heard the sermons on it more times than I cared to recall. Well, Tuesday in my Acts and Pauline Epistles class, the story suddenly came to life for perhaps the first time. I discovered that I really didn't know it as well as I had thought I did. The teacher talked about the story and brought to light an interesting point which I think is good for us to mull over every once in a while.

When I mention the story of the Prodigal Son, your thoughts probably turned immediately towards the Prodigal Son. Understandably. Your mind probably flitted through the basic outline of the story, reached the bit about the fatted calf and then trailed off. That seems to be what most sermons do. They end with the fatted calf and how God will forgive the rebel (if he will but fall on his knees and repent today! Can I hear an A-men?! *cough* moving on!) and then briefly mention the other son throwing a hissy fit... or get bitter... or both.

The other thing that seems to happen with most sermons is that the preacher goes through, gets to the end, starts a sermonette on bitterness, using the other son as an example, and then closes with an invitation asking if we're like either one of the sons.

Nothing wrong with either of these things. However, when was the last time you heard a sermon, or more than a half-related rabbit trail in a sermon about the father? The father is really quite interesting once you start to look at him. He forgave both sons before they even asked for it with gifts besides. To the prodigal son he gave a feast and a fatted calf and to the other son he reminded him that he has access to all his father has.

It was the last bit with the other son that made me do another double take. (I already looked twice at the father... I'll explain why in a moment.) Honestly, I have a little bit of a hard time identifying with the prodigal son... mostly because I've never squandered all my money after running away from home. But, I do understand how the other son felt. There he was, serving faithfully the entire time, and it didn't seem like he got any recognition, but then the "bad" son comes home and suddenly there's all sorts of hoopla and the "good" son feels neglected. Now, take a look at Luke 11:31-And he said unto him, Son, thou art ever with me, and all that I have is thine. I think this is rather self explanatory. We sometimes forget that we are joint heirs with Jesus and have access to all of everything because of Him and God. We feel jipped... when we aren't. We're blessed because we don't have the scars the prodigal son has. So yeah, he gets a fatted calf and he, like us, has access to unlimited everything, but he has memories and scars and we don't. See the point I'm trying to make?

Now, back to the father. I might be blind and forgetful, but I honestly cannot remember ever hearing a sermon in which the father in the Prodigal son is paralleled to God the Father. It's pretty obvious, is it not? That was my first double take. the father is the Father and He is always waiting to forgive us before we even ask for it and rejoices when we come home to Him.

The parable of the Prodigal Son is really a beautiful example of the brilliance of Jesus as a teacher, story teller, and author. There are lessons to be learned with each character in it, there are multiple layers of symbolism... it is loaded, simply loaded with meanings and lessons. I strongly, strongly encourage you to go read it. It can be found in Luke 15:11-32.

I know it seems like one of the old, faded, worn out tales from Sunday School, but it is anything but that! It is fresh and vibrant!


Thursday, April 12, 2007

Down-right Randomniscity


Is randomniscity a word? *checks on Merriam- Webster.com* Apparently not. I should submit it. It's a good word. Perfectly describes when I post, what I post about, and virtually everything else about me.

Another new word: Predictarandom- Predictable randomness.

Enough with creating words! What is the word for that...? Ah, forget it.

Before I got a word further, I would like to thank you all who prayed for mom's mini-van to be fixed because it was and for much less than originally thought! PRAISE GOD! As a result, they can come up and visit me this weekend for my burfday! WHEEE!!! We shall "eat cookies, drink pop, and be MURry happy." -BC

Anyway! All those who have ever written a story of any sort, or even a poem, can understand how utterly annoying it can be to have a wonderful idea in your head, but when you go to put it on paper have it not translate very well. Such has been the last week. I don't know if it's lack of sleep, too much sleep, or just my poor little mind finally going hay-wire, but my imagination has been all over the place. As a result, I've had some marvelous scenes running through my head that are worthy to be put in a story. However, when I go to write them down something gets lost and the whole thing just dies.

I have been struggling with that all week. That is, until today. I think I might have a breakthrough folks! On paper, it's looking marvelous! I'm hoping this marks the end of my drought of inability to creatively write. It's miserable when you know you can write short and long stories but nothing comes to you. It's nice when you can sit down with a pen and paper and just go and the story just comes. That hasn't happened in a while, so I'm really really hoping it finally is coming back!

I'd love to give you all a small taste of what I'm working on... but I'm going to make you wait. I'm so mean.

Alright, to change gears... I will now take this opportunity to randomly praise God for the awesome great semester He has given me! Missions conference last week was amazing. I now understand why it's so many people's favorite week! I learned a lot about missions, what it is and isn't, that's it not truly a sacrifice... I'm going to park on that last one for a second. As I was giving it thought, I came to the conclusion that serving Christ is not a sacrifice. Nothing given to God is a sacrifice. To give up what you don't need or what is harmful to you isn't a sacrifice. To keep what you don't need or what is harmful to you is foolishness and idiocy.

Let me show you how I worked through this.
It's not a sacrifice to give up drinking pop (carbonated beverage). I don't actually need it, I just like it. Nothing wrong with it, but it's not essential. So no big deal.

It's not a sacrifice to give up smoking (I don't smoke, but I wanted to pick a physically harmful sin/addiction). It's bad for my health and generally harmful. Hard to do because it's addicting, but it can be done and needs to be done.
So...
To let something as silly as "modern conveniences," or the American Dream to keep me from serving God is foolish.

To let some sin in my life (whether it be fear, worry, or unwillingness to serve) keep me from serving God is harmful to my spiritual walk and idiocy.

You all probably saw where I was going with this prior to my little examples, but I always like it when someone introduces a concept and then puts it in the simplest terms possible. Not sure if I did that, but I think I made it a little less foggy.

All for now... Oh, before I scoot off, GO WINGS! and I made that whole Africa wall paper thing. I'm thinking of doing a set of all 6 peopled continents. Might break it down into regions... still undecided. If interest is showed in you peoples actually wanting one of these, let me know and I'll make them in different sizes.

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you. My love be with you all in Christ Jesus. Amen. (I Corinthians 16:23-24)

-Frank

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Not a typical post...

I don't usually do this, nor do I plan on making this a regular habit, but I am asking you all to pray for me and my family right now. It seems like everything is going wrong. The plumbing in our house probably needs redone, Mom's mini-van needs repairs, Dad is having problems with asthma, and just a lot of things. It's a bit stressful and discouraging, and we all would just REALLY appreciate the prayers!

Thanks!
-Frank

Thursday, March 22, 2007

Late One Night


As I sit here at some unnatural hour of the morning, munching on a piece of lembas (Yes, I know how to make it. No, one small bite does not fill the stomach of a full grown man.) I decided to take a little bit of a different turn with this blog post. I decided to post, what is called in Fanfic jargon, a one shot (more or less a short story that may or not may not have an actual plot).

You'll notice that the naming isn't exactly creative... and I'll just tell you right now it's not entirely accurate... the yard is a blend between my yard, my grandma's, and my own little fictitious world. Alright, with out further ado...

Blankly she stared at the empty page before her, pen in hand. She made one small stroke, scratched it out, and made a curve. She did not like that either, so she scribbled over it. With a grunt of frustration she scrawled out the words, “NO INSPIRATION!” diagonally across the entire page, crumpled it up, and chucked it as hard as she could at the nearest wall, where it bounced off and hit the ground with a crinkle.

Frank stood up from her desk and stood by the sliding glass door that separated her study from the outdoors that she loved so well. “I wish I could go out there,” she muttered to herself. “But I can’t until I at least get a start on this stupid story!” she added loudly.

She walked past the desk she was beginning to hate, and flopped herself down on the cranberry chaise lounge that occupied the area next to her bookshelf. While gazing at the ceiling, she reached over and grabbed her scribble book off of her shelf. Many stories had been born out of random words scrawled out in frustration in that book, and she was hoping that would be the case with this story as well. With the mechanical pencil that she left clipped in it, she began to write out, “frustrated, green, golden sun, forest, water, naiad, peasants … I got nothing!!!” She beheld her work and tried to find the plot line that eluded her. The inspiration she sought was not to be found. She tossed the notebook back onto the shelf.

“Lord, whatever happened to ‘Seek and ye shall find’? I’m seeking and finding not!”

She began to muse over the word “seek” while waving her hands around as if she were conducting music.

“Seek. Seek. Hmm…” she said to herself as she stood up. “Seek the gate.” She blurted out, as if this phrase bore some significance. Her mind was now in a day dream. She wandered out the glass door and into the yard. She lived on a substantial amount of property, and let most of it be wild. That which was tended, however, was fenced in, and a gate led to the wilder part. Her mind was now fixed on that little wooden gate, and she had every intention of going out of it. Barefooted she wandered out into the yard. With each step she took, things changed. Her red tank top and denim shorts disappeared, being replaced with a long gown of leaf green silk with silver embroidery and a belt of silver lace. Her pony tale was taken out and a circlet of silver and diamonds sat upon her brow.

Out of the gate she went, leaving it open behind her. She danced her way into the trees to music from a place unseen. She sang a song that she had written, and once her song was done, she gracefully sat herself down upon withered leaves with her back against a tree. She listened for a while to the breeze, and heard the birds singing. A happy sigh she gave as she closed her eyes and leaned her head back.

She had officially left Michigan and entered her own world, a world with no name. There were very few names in that world, and few things to be named to match. It was her imaginary world, the one she had frequented and lived in all through her childhood, teen years, and college. She had never completed it, despite several attempts, and left it as it was, partially finished. There were some green glades, at least one forest, and a castle somewhere, but what exactly was there no one knew. Which was the problem.

She closed her eyes and let her head fall back onto the tree. “One of these days,” she thought to herself, “One of these days I’ll...” but she didn’t finish her thought because she heard her mother ringing the bell for dinner.

So, that's that. Not my best work... which is one reason it's here... I'm willing to part with it... so to speak. Well, now that I've sufficiently shaken up my unexistant routine, I'm off!

-Frank

Friday, March 02, 2007

Let it Snow!


Yesterday morning for my devotions, I decided to read about snow. Inspired by the massive amounts of it falling this morning, I went to oneplace.com and did a search for "snow." It was very interesting what I found. Almost half if not more of the references to snow were using snow as an adjective (right?) to describe something. The first several verses were saying leprous people were white as snow, then of course there were a fair number of verses saying something to the effect of, "wash me and I shall be whiter than snow."

But those weren't what was I looking for. I was looking for verses on the fluffy, cold, white stuff. I found them! Job, Psalms, and Proverbs mostly. It was quite interesting too! Such a simple and common thing (at least in northern Wisconsin) was used and referred to in a wide variety of ways; even in reference to the cold stuff.

But of course, it would be slightly ridiculous to meditate solely on the white and fluffy lest I was going to write a poem about it. So I thought about what the verses were saying and in context. It was varied food for thought to say the least. I ended up reading Isaiah 55:10-11. In that passage Isaiah uses rain and snow as a metaphor for God's word and... God said it best so... "
For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater: So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it."

Other passages I looked at were... Job 38:12-23 and there I was reminded that I know nothing about something so simple and common as snow. Another was Proverbs 26:1. That one triggered thoughts about the foolishness of preaching and all that. I'm still mulling that one over. Another verse I looked at, which was actually the one I wanted to find in the first place, was Proverbs 25:13- "As the cold of snow in the time of harvest, so is a faithful messenger to them that send him: for he refresheth the soul of his masters."

So, I thought on snow... Fresh Snow.

-Frank :o)

Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Cold, Cold Wind!


I've had a song stuck in my head since I've gotten back on campus. There is a very good reason for it... we don't get wind at my house! I live in the woods. The wind doesn't reach us for the most part.

The song is called, "Across the Universe of Time" (Yeah, I know, it's sounds a little weird.). Really, it's the chorus I've had stuck in my head. And only because of the first line of the chorus which is, "And the cold, cold wind, it blows me away." Which, today, is especially true!

The wind is cold and bitter, and it has almost blown me over multiple times today, and it's not even 10 am!

I never fully understood how much trees block the wind until I got up here! It never ceases to amaze me.

---Later Today---
Today was lumberjack day! Whee!!! I had lots of fun with it! Although I couldn't dress up quite how I would have liked, I still could a little bit.

During student body chapel, they had all this stuff set up in the gym for wood cutting, hauling, rope swinging, and pancake eating. Well, being the silly Frank that I am, I went in for the pancake eating contest. There were four of us... I was the only girl. :o)

If I could have breathed through my nose, I think I might have been able to get 5 pancakes down. As it was, I managed to get 3 eaten in 2 minutes. The winner had eaten like 7 or 8. But I didn't care. I was in it for the fun! I had a blast!

Sadly, I don't think anyone took any pictures! Alas and a lack. Moving on!

My musings for the past week or so have been the different facets of the different attributes of God. Have you ever stopped to consider them? I used Valentines Day as an excuse for focusing a little extra on love and the love of God. There are so many facets to the love of God that it is mind boggling to think about.

Just as our Creator's love is so complex, ours is too. The days leading up to Valentine's Day were spent with me contemplating just how I love all the different people I know and how I was going to express that to them.

I know quite clearly how I love them, but I cannot say it clearly! The initial attempts to do so in the form of limericks were... varied. I wrote a limerick per friend, and for some of them it was easier than others. It's cut and dry friendship. The end. A few others, however, have managed to endear themselves to me in a way few if any others have. How do you tell them that? You can't just come out and say it. That scares people!

So, I took all of my poetic ability *cough* and tried as best as I could to say, "I love you dearly, my friend" without actually saying it. I think I might have come close on a few of them.

I found the entire process to be revealing. I had to really think through exactly how I feel towards people and precisely how I wanted to communicate it. It was through this I learned that love is so multi-faceted. It almost seems as if there are degrees or depths of every sort of love. And it almost seems as if some of the degrees fall between two sorts. If that makes any sense.

Another thing that has preoccupied my thoughts is where I have been and where I am. Not geographically, but in life. So much has happened and changed in the last six months that I can barely believe it. I struggled at first, but I've come to accept that things never go back, only forward. And that's just in day to day activities. The changes spiritually that have been made are drastic. Spiritually, I am not the same person I was six weeks ago, let alone six months ago! This is a first. I never had steady growth spiritually growing up. It was often in spurts.

Anyway, I've reached this interesting place where I must balance two worlds- College and Home. The last few days have been a weird mingling of past memories and people with new memories and people. I've never before had to deal with two sets of memories and people at once. I never moved growing up. People often moved away, ne'er to return but for a short visit, so I never had to deal with "old friends back home." It is quite a new experience. I've never had an Old Life before. I never had to leave anything behind. I was the one left behind. I know how to deal with that, but this... I am out of my reckoning with this!

I know that in time I shall adjust, but until then, I have two lives. Can they be made into one?

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Lessons In Winter


Well, I've had an interesting weekend so far. I had the unique opportunity of counseling for the first time during Snow Camp. Through it I learned that if anything good ever comes of people's interactions with me, it is because of God. The end. Nothing else.

Never in my life have I felt so unprepared and in adequate for a task. Before snow camp even started, I was falling on my knees asking God for wisdom throughout the entire weekend. Once camp started, I was falling on my face begging God for wisdom and strength.

At multiple points through out the weekend... okay, for every second of the entire weekend, I was way out of my comfort zone and in previously uncharted territory. By simply signing up to counsel I flew past the end of myself and then actually going into the weekend I soared a few yards off the cliff's edge in a way I never have before. As a result, I was clinging desperately to God in a whole new way.

I had to cling to Him. All that was there for me to cling to was Him. It was scary, I'll admit, and at times I felt I was flying blind. But luckily, I don't have to be able to see.

I've been trying to think of one big lesson I learned through all this, and I can't. I want to say sustaining grace (which I saw both physically and spiritually), but I also want to say how much I have to work on. Then I am tempted to claim that I'm learning about God's timing, which is very true, but I'm not sure it's quite it. I learned/am learning a lot of things because of it all, but I feel like I'm missing the point. As if I'm too busy looking at the details to see the big picture. I've had this feeling all weekend that I'm going to find out what it is later.

That's another thing I've learned as of late; God shows us what we need to know for the time being. Never does He tell something too soon or too late. Nor does He tell us too much or too little when the time comes. I speculate that this is to test my faith in Him.

Oh, that's something else I've been learning, that God doesn't give us tests we can't pass.

So that was one unique opportunity. The second one is quite different. I was able to contrast lives. Before I came back from break, my great Aunt Lois died. At her memorial/funeral, I listened to her children and grandchildren give memories about her. It was one of the more tragic things I've ever heard. I only ever met her once, so I didn't know her hardly at all. But apparently, those who were close to her didn't either.

All the memories that were shared were about her either reading books to them or editing books about local history. To me, that was utterly tragic. To add to the sadness of it all, she wasn't saved. How utterly tragic it was to me, that this woman lived about 80 years and did virtually nothing with it that matters. All there is left of her are a few ashes and a small stack of books with a handful of withering memories about books.

I know she did things that did not involve literature, but at a memorial service for the purpose of celebrating a life, there seemed very little to celebrate. It was sad and tragic to me.

Then, last Thursday night, my great Uncle Donny went home to be with the Lord. Now, he wasn't a super Christian, never pretended to be, but he did things that counted for eternity. I knew him a bit better than I knew Aunt Lois, but I still wasn't very close. Even so, I know a bit of his testimony, I know that he has done things that last. That gives me hope! That brings me some joy and peace to know that his life was not spent in vain.

Both lives inspire me though. Aunt Lois inspires me to save the lost. She was witnessed to, but she would not listen. How many people would listen if they would only be witnessed to? Uncle Donny inspires me to do more for Christ. Again, not that he was an awesomely super and flawless Christian, but I can see what things he did that matter, and what things he did that don't matter. He was saved after he became an adult, and so I have the privilege of being able to see the emptiness of the world contrasted with the fullness of Christ in a life.

More and more I see how short time on this earth is and how vast eternity is. It motivates me to live for Christ. I'm with The Preacher when he proclaims that all is vanity.

Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man. For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.
-Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Cringe and Groan


They're doing this thing called Open Studio up here. Through peer pressure I entered, over Christmas I contemplated withdrawing, upon returning I was thrust back into it full force, and now after a ton of hitches along the way, I have officially auditioned. With schemes to possibly enter another song.

I think I'm crazy.

Especially after today.

To record the song, they take you into the recording studio. After getting you all set up with awesome microphones, headphones, padded music stands and all that jazz, you sing/play and record and that's that. Afterwards, they let you listen to it.

I've never heard myself singing by myself before. Now that I have, I wish I hadn't. Come to find out, I cannot stand the sound of my own voice singing. People tell me they like it. They say I have talent. I listened... heard a few "technical" slips and thought, "Well, for being sick that isn't half bad. But I just do not like my voice!" I decided if I was just a random person and I ran across a CD of me, I wouldn't buy it.

Yet, I contemplate doing another song. *shrugs* I'm weird. I know.

I think part of the motivation behind it is realizing this is an opportunity to get some of my work out. I think the other part is just the fun of recording. The whole process of recording has always interested me, and now that I have a chance to do it, I want to take full advantage of the chance.

Speaking of... I might be counseling at Snow Camp this weekend. Okay, it's just a chance. But I signed up and we'll see what happens. I do want to try my hand at it, and this would be the perfect opportunity to taste it before I commit a summer to it.

Anyway! School work calls and I must answer! Blech.

-Frank

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Mass Manipulation for Dummies


I'm not very manipulative, but I dare say I could pull off mass manipulation better than the drive by media. Take this whole "global warming thing." If you want to create mass pandemonium and chaos, then pay a little attention to the weather and plan propaganda accordingly.

Like in the 70's, the scientists were crying out, "Prepare for the ice age!" during one of the hottest summers anyone had seen in quite a few decades. Then, they cried global warming just as one of the coldest, most bitter winters set in.

Doesn't that sound ridiculously familiar? History does repeat itself, does it not?

I blame Al Gore for this current wave of media panic about global warming. I hadn't heard much of anything since Captain Planet (blech!) until "An Inconvenient Truth" hit theaters.

Their timing was almost good this time around. After all, it did take everyone longer than usual to get to winter this year, but now that it's here... It's hit with full force. As far as temperatures go at any rate. Up here in the frozen north we're looking at highs in the teens and single digits for the next ten days (one day of sub zero temps!). Now, there is not as much snow as other years, so perhaps we should try raising panic over the oceans drying up and using the mere 4-6 inches of snow as our proof of it.

And if you couldn't necessarily predict what the weather did, just wait a few days and claim that your research shows that this is just the start of some terrible and sinister apocalyptic weather pattern to be blamed on the Big Three. That might, just might work better than crying "GLOBAL WARMING!" when it's -3 outside.

It just cracks me up to hear news reports on global warming followed up by a story on frozen citrus fruit in California trailed by headlines of freezing rain in Dallas, Texas.

Another little helpful hint - if you want to pit people against the war in Iraq, don't look so blatantly anxious to pull out of the Middle East just before the general in charge of it all says things should be working out in our favor.

Oh, and this is a freebie to Nancy Pelosi and any future speakers of the house - If the president makes a comment about a war/troops that the majority of the nation agrees with, do not sit there and refuse to clap with a look of disapproval on your face. It makes you look like the bad guy!!!

Once again, this just reminds me that I have so much to do and so little time to do it in. Though, mass manipulation could go hand in hand with running for political offices... Yes, that would coincide with my schemes to run for Governor of Michigan, Supreme Court Judge, Senate, Congress, and President. I don't think it'll help me with my quests to become a world class author, professional singer, actor, scriptwriter, or owner of a large coffee shop chain... but it couldn't hurt!

I've met some folk who say that I'm a dreamer. And there's no doubt there's truth in what they say... but dreams don't last, though dreams be not forgotten. And so I'm back to stern reality...

(From the Isle of Inisfree)

-Frank

Thursday, January 18, 2007

When It Rains, It Pours!


It's either all or nothing. The end. Either every appliance and vehicle is working perfectly, or they all die at once.

Such has been this break. Before I came home, all the cars died. Then the drains in the sink started being weird. As did the water in general. And, here I am, getting ready to leave, and suddenly I'm broadsided with "There's a chance your dad is being laid off in April."

Last time, he was laid off for a year and a half.

I'll be able to finish the spring semester with out much of a problem, but next fall is questionable.

It just leaves me on my knees and praying. I can only do so much, the folks can only do so much, but luckily God can do a whole lot more!

I go forward with prayers and hope.

The weather works this way too. You get all the storms at once, and then nothing. It's either an ice storm or a sunny day. We just got an inch of snow and a beautiful ice storm that coated everything beautifully! As you can see by the picture on the right.

Isn't it funny? The storms are so terrible, and they make the power go out and all sorts of things, and yet, it's soo beautiful! I guess it's the sort of thing where you just gotta find the silver lining.

This time, it was pretty easy. As far as the weather went. We'll see about the trials.

-Frank

Saturday, January 13, 2007

White and Nerdy!

Absolutely Great ! -> www.be-dumb.com

I'm not a rap fan by any stretch. Nor am I exactly a huge Weird Al fan, however, I laughed REALLY REALLY hard when I saw this.

Enjoy everyone!

-Frank

Monday, January 08, 2007

This, that, and other

A Year in Retrospect
I warned you all at one point that I am a poet. This is where the warning comes to pass. Why? Because I reflected on 2006.

It was quite the year. A bit rough at places, not so fun, but good.

The weeks leading up to high school graduation were... stressful, irritating... we'll leave it at that.

Last year had its fair share of highlights. FOJG, my graduation party's, takin' a trip with Dad to Chicago, Going to the bus Independence Day weekend and watching fireworks over the lake in Cadillac, going to Tori's birthday party, college and all that happened there... yes, there were a few highlights! Lots of firsts last year... tons of blessings.

I should sit down and write them all out. Along with all the first time things. I had quite a few!

Someone once said to me that for every stage in life there is a song. Now, I'm a musically inclined soul, so I tend to think in music. I like to fit songs with what's going on around me. (Just ask my sister or my mother.) It took me some hunting, but I think I found the songs for last year.

If I were to make a mix CD about last year, it would be called "Grace" and look something like this:
-Let Me Fall (Josh Groban)
-Never Let Go (Josh Groban, Closer)
-Machine (Josh Groban, Awake)
-Burning the Past (Kingdom of Heaven soundtrack)
-Ready to Fly (Ronan Tynan, Ronan)
-Only the Beginning of the Adventure (the Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe soundtrack)
-Carry Me Home (Ronan Tynan, Ronan)
-Both Sides Now (Hayley Westenra, Odyssey)
-Never Saw Blue (Hayley Westenra, Odyssey)
-I Say Grace (Hayley Westenra, Odyssey)

And just as mixed as the CD would be, such would be my emotions if I were to write them out. Though, the underlying ones would be frustration, sadness, and grief. Last year was, like I said, rough in places. And it will only get worse before it gets better. Things have been coming to a head for a while now, and they must get worse before they get better.

Even up at school and far away from it all, I've been hearing about it, and it has been affecting me. 500 miles away and I still can't get away from it. I suppose that's the price you pay to be deeply involved in church. It all makes me sad. It shouldn't be like this! It was never meant to be like this! Such is living in a fallen world. Nothing is as it was meant to be.

That fact has remained one of my main consolations. Above whatever anyone has said, I have taken great comfort, somehow, in knowing that's not how it was meant to be. It helps me keep from being too hurt or bitter.

Keeping My Sanity
Since I've been home, I've finally found time to sort out everything I heard over last semester. Christian college is a marvelous place for spiritual growth. However, it is also an amazing place to get confused in standards, doctrine, etc. Any place with a few hundred "independent fundamental Baptists" is bound to have as many ideas as people. As a result, I started to get a little disoriented when it came to a few ideas and standards I've held.

A few preconceived notions, ludicrous ideas, and IFB programmings were changed or discarded, which was good, but a few ideas that are perfectly fine I started to doubt.

Now, I'm not one to change any principle, standard, or conviction without being dead certain that the change is for the best. Which is why I thought through a few things at home, talked with Rotu, and re-oriented myself.

It was during this time that I realized a few things. I'm not a very good Baptist, Fundamentalist, Neo-fundamentalist, or five point Calvinist. In a way, I'm a number of them, but none of them at the same time. The older I get, the more I see that there are two sides to every acronym. The strictly scriptural side and the side that most people practice. Well, something like that.

So I've not found the proper title yet. And quite frankly, I'm sick of titles. Overly sick and tired of titles. Unfortunately, we are all bound to them and by them. *sigh* Whatever happened to just believing the Bible and what God said? I am thoroughly convinced that Christianity is simple. The Law was what was so complicated and crazy. Salvation and grace is simplistic. I think, however, that most Christians secretly wish that we still had all the works of the law. That way they'd feel like they were doing something to gain God's favor or get into Heaven. However, the practices of the law aren't really an option anymore.

Enough of that.

Life, Death, and other Inevitables
This break has had it all. Births in our church and God's family, death in the extended family, couples (finally) getting engaged... Such is life. It never ceases to amaze and intrigue me just how life works. Think about it. Everything works together in God's perfect way to create the most intricate and marvelous story! Things thousands of miles apart can happen and lead to something that affects you in your own backyard, and in turn impact someone on the other side of the world. Life, death, marriage, break ups... it all works together to create something wonderful beyond ourselves.

I just love how everything always works out. God is wonderful!

Hehe! Y'all are going to think I'm insane with the way I jump topics. But please realize that I write my posts over a couple of hours, a day or two, etc., so that makes it easier for me to bounce around how I do.

And if you're wondering why I have suddenly had this burst of joy about God working everything out (In light of my rather pessimistic post prior), I'll tell you. Life. The good, the bad, and the normal. All the negative of last year, and all the positive. Everything good and bad that was, is, and shall come.

No, I'm not happy about the gathering storms, but I'm not upset either. The way I figure it, the darker the night, the brighter the day.

Well, it is very late here, so I'm off to bed! Sleep well my friends!
-Frank