Mass Manipulation for Dummies

I'm not very manipulative, but I dare say I could pull off mass manipulation better than the drive by media. Take this whole "global warming thing." If you want to create mass pandemonium and chaos, then pay a little attention to the weather and plan propaganda accordingly.

Like in the 70's, the scientists were crying out, "Prepare for the ice age!" during one of the hottest summers anyone had seen in quite a few decades. Then, they cried global warming just as one of the coldest, most bitter winters set in.

Doesn't that sound ridiculously familiar? History does repeat itself, does it not?

I blame Al Gore for this current wave of media panic about global warming. I hadn't heard much of anything since Captain Planet (blech!) until "An Inconvenient Truth" hit theaters.

Their timing was almost good this time around. After all, it did take everyone longer than usual to get to winter this year, but now that it's here... It's hit with full force. As far as temperatures go at any rate. Up here in the frozen north we're looking at highs in the teens and single digits for the next ten days (one day of sub zero temps!). Now, there is not as much snow as other years, so perhaps we should try raising panic over the oceans drying up and using the mere 4-6 inches of snow as our proof of it.

And if you couldn't necessarily predict what the weather did, just wait a few days and claim that your research shows that this is just the start of some terrible and sinister apocalyptic weather pattern to be blamed on the Big Three. That might, just might work better than crying "GLOBAL WARMING!" when it's -3 outside.

It just cracks me up to hear news reports on global warming followed up by a story on frozen citrus fruit in California trailed by headlines of freezing rain in Dallas, Texas.

Another little helpful hint - if you want to pit people against the war in Iraq, don't look so blatantly anxious to pull out of the Middle East just before the general in charge of it all says things should be working out in our favor.

Oh, and this is a freebie to Nancy Pelosi and any future speakers of the house - If the president makes a comment about a war/troops that the majority of the nation agrees with, do not sit there and refuse to clap with a look of disapproval on your face. It makes you look like the bad guy!!!

Once again, this just reminds me that I have so much to do and so little time to do it in. Though, mass manipulation could go hand in hand with running for political offices... Yes, that would coincide with my schemes to run for Governor of Michigan, Supreme Court Judge, Senate, Congress, and President. I don't think it'll help me with my quests to become a world class author, professional singer, actor, scriptwriter, or owner of a large coffee shop chain... but it couldn't hurt!

I've met some folk who say that I'm a dreamer. And there's no doubt there's truth in what they say... but dreams don't last, though dreams be not forgotten. And so I'm back to stern reality...

(From the Isle of Inisfree)

-Frank