Yes, you all are cows. Happy?

After much thought, observation, and having the bejeebers annoyed out of me I think I have finally cracked the female mind in one area: weight.

According to most female minds - she is fat. She could weigh nothing and she would still be fat. A woman is always fat. Always. And no matter how many times another girl tells her she is thin (and I dare say even a guy can tell her as much and she won't care) she is still fat.

Skinny or thin is consistently one to ten pounds less than whatever a girl currently weighs. It doesn't matter whether or not her current weight is perfectly healthy and she looks fabulous - thin is one to ten pounds away. Girls can only manage to be thin for one, maybe two days in a row, and "thin days" have nothing to do with weight, but perceived skinniness.

Her friends are thin. Even if it her friend who is three inches shorter, weighs ten pounds more, wears bigger clothes, and could stand to lose a few - she is thin. Always thin. She always looks just fine just the way she is. Now, if said friend decides to take off five or ten pounds the girl may say something like, "No, I think you look fine just the way you are, but if you are only losing like five or ten pounds, that's not a big deal. Either way, you'll look great!" The only way a girl's friends are fatter than her is if they are substantially overweight, and even then they only need to "lose a few pounds". Unless her friend looks comparable to Violet Beauregard, she is not fat.

The crucial thing to understand here is that everything to do with the "fatness" or "skinniness" of any given girl (within a healthy average weight range) is all in her head. It has almost nothing to do with the scale or the way her clothes fit. It has everything to do with her incredibly skewed misconception of herself.

For those of us in the world that figure if we're a reasonable weight we're fine, the typical female's perception of her fatness is utterly obnoxious and irritating. Unfortunately, there is no way to respond to a girl when she says "I'm FAT!" that will convince her otherwise. Once a woman has determined she is fat, she is hopelessly fat and there is no chance of persuading her otherwise.

So, what is a girl to do when she is stuck in a dorm full of whiny, skinny women whose constant cry is, "I'm SO FAT!!!"? Personally, I'm contemplating one of the following solutions:
1. replying: Yes, you are a cow.
2. rolling my eyes
3. quietly handing them a box of donuts so they really do get fat.
4. Gibb's slapping them.
5. Hand them a girdle.
6. Giving them such dirty looks that they start to cry.
7. Throw carrots at them.
8. Start eating a chocolate bar, just to taunt them.
9. Start gloating about how "skinny" I am and about all the delicious fattening foods I eat. (the hope being that they'll get so mad with me that they'll go away.)
10. Say, "Shut up and do something about it!"
11. Start screaming and don't stop until she goes away.

What do you think? Any suggestions are welcome! :o)